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This is a picture from my trip to Cocoa Beach with Rob a few years ago it just brings peace to my heart I loved this place. |
I woke up this morning and took a deep breath. Today is a fresh start.
A new Journey...after a long talk last night with my Husband ...thoughts and feelings that I have been harboring for a while surfaced.
I've been struggling lately with many things, but most of all my happiness being bogged down by me fears. You would think that I have it all am AMAZING husband, two beautiful children and my third child on the way. My own clothing line that is stable in this economy...yet something is missing. I seem to spend more time looking into other peoples live such as my friends and even women I don't know through facebook and blogs admiring their lives. They just seem so happy through their posts and through their pictures I want that. But I don't feel that.
I don't feel like I am enjoying being a wife and mother like I should be, I feel like I am missing out on something. I'm not enjoying my business as much as I thought that I would because I've narrowed it to only "one kind" of design, and that is just not me I am more random than that. I love to be creative I miss being creative with more than just clothing. I love to create and design on so many levels and I want to try every one of them.
I am tired of comparing myself to others and constantly worrying what others think of me. I just feel so convicted that I am not living the life that God wants me to live so I am making changes.
I am taking a leap of faith and giving God the control of my life, it's so easy to say that he has control of our lives but how often do we really relinquish the control to him? Honestly I have a very hard time giving up control it's like I ease up on the Tug of War rope but never completely let go. I am excited to jump but I am deathly scared to fail.
So in taking my deep breath this morning I am stepping through that fear, my fear of giving God control of my life, my fear of falling short of being a good wife and mother for my family, me fear of my business failing, my fear of another preterm labor, my fear of what others think of my clothing line, my fear of how others view me as an individual, my fear of how others view me as a christian, my constant fear of losing someone close to me...the list goes on and on I live in FEAR and while at this moment I am scared to death I remember a few scriptures.
Romans 8:31
"If God is for us, who can stand against us?"
And David said in Psalms 27 "The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear?"
So hears to taking that leap of faith and facing all those fears that I have and starting my journey to Happiness!.
Who knows what will come next or what I may create, but with God anything is possible ;)
XOXO
Suzanne