Question

Is it possible to feel on top of the world and sad at the same time?
I have an AMAZING little blessing in my life, he's perfect in every way!

Alexander James Lay

Born January 24, 2011 at 4:37 am

7lbs and 1 oz

20 inches long.

Alex is our little surprise and an answer to one of my life long prayers.
I always wanted three babies.  Rob was done with two.
We agreed that when Tyler turned two we would make that final decision.  Rob was standing his ground so I caved and agreed to let him get "The Surgery".  Only to find out two weeks after that appointment was made that I was pregnant.
As I tell this story it makes others laugh...but it reminds me just who really is in control of my life.

GOD does amazing things!!!

He blessed me with one more gift.

He gave me an AMAZING OB that took care of me through every week and despite my preterm issues he got me a full term baby.  While I didn't make it to his selected date he made it a priority to be there and deliver our baby.  With a wake up call at 2:00 am on Monday morning he met Rob and I at the hospital to find out that I was already 4-5 cm dilated and contractions were coming on fast and lasting longer...it was time to take the baby.  I was able to carry Alex to 37 weeks and 2 days.  The longest of all three of my babies.

Dr. Pearse Thank you will never be enough! You are an awesome man of God I feel truly blessed to know you.  I'm going to miss my daily/weekly visits with you.

Alex didn't want to come out.  They had to used suction to help with the efforts.  When Alex was delivered the doctors believe that he aspirated causing fluid in his lungs resulting in phenomena.  This ended up putting him in with the special needs babies and he is now on antibiotics.  His rapid breathing has slowed down but it still comes and goes.  He is taking his feedings very well in fact maybe too well.  He is now in a big boy bed and headed in the right direction to be on his way home.  We are hoping for Monday morning.

His brother and sister still have not seen him.
I have held him less than 10 times.
Rob has held him fewer times than I have.

WE MISS HIM SO MUCH!!!!

I've been through this before, I've had to leave my baby at the hospital and return home without him.
I've had to try to get "back to normal" with a part of me gone.
It's a horrible feeling, an empty feeling, a helpless feeling.
I find myself crying randomly, I see his face everywhere, I remember his movements inside of me and yet I can not touch him, or hold him.

So as I sit here and blog...
McKenzie is dancing along with the ice skaters on TV
Tyler is mimicking his sister...but with more bouncing
Rob is making dinner...bless him

Hopefully Alex will be with us within 48 hours...although that feels like a century from now.  It's not fast enough for any of us.

XOXO Suzanne Lay

To Preserve Children

I was scanning through an older cook book when I came across something ADORABLE today.

My elementary school use to make cook books every year as fund raisers...all the parents would send in their favorite recipes and then it would all be hand typed and bound in a plastic binder for purchase.  So tonight as I was scanning through the Two Mile Prairie Cooking with Digger November 1981 edition (I was in kindergarten at that time...and I feel totally old announcing that to you at this moment) I came across this in the Cakes and Frosting section.

Take one large grassy field, 1/2 dozen children, all sizes, 3 small dogs, 1 long narrow strip of brook, pebbly, if possible.  Mix the children with the dogs and empty them into the field, stirring continually, sprinkle with field flowers, pour brook gently over pebbles, cover all with a deep blue sky and bake in a hot sun.  When the children are well-browned, they may be removed.  Will be found right and ready for setting away to cool in the bathtub.

Is that not the cutest thing ever!?!

It just touches me...especially at this time of year when the house seems so flooded with toys and movies and games...things that just seem to be needed to keep our children occupied but really aren't.  Now I just want it to be sunny and warm so I can get the kids outside so that they can play and run-a-muck with no worries.

Life seemed so much more simpler back then...why has everything seemed to be so complicated today?

For instance we sold cook books for fundraisers.  McKenzie's school sells socks? and not just regular socks...these are very odd and in a way kind of scary socks and no one buys them. 

It's too complicated!!!

Why can't we go back to being simple like cook books?  But I guess if I am going to gripe I better go and join the PTO :) and that is so not up my alley.

I will however take more time To Preserve My Children.

I'm going to scan the rest of my cook book and see if I can find any other little inserts like this I loved it...I think I read it four or five times before I came down to share it here....it's just too sweet.

XOXO - Suzanne Lay

Happy New Years!

I wanted to look back into the past year...so much has happened and yet with the New Year there is still so much more to come.  Here's some pics from 2010 in the Lay household.  I think that it's amazing how much the kids have grown, and how much our family has done in such a short period of time.  Seems like 2010 went by way too fast!

So here's to a NEW YEAR...I know that there is so much coming our way!
Do you ever just have that feeling that change is just around the corner and it's not just the baby...seems like there will be more.  Growing for us as a family, growing for us individually, changes...in a way it's exciting and in a way it terrifies me.  I like my comfort zone.  But I also know that in order to become a better person, a better wife, a better mom I need to embrace what ever it is that God is bringing towards me...to embrace that feeling of change and to trust in him to give me the courage to step through that open door.
Best wishes to your family from ours...may your New Year be full of wonderful blessings!
XOXO - Suzanne Lay